The Unfulfilled Orgasmic Potential of Today’s Woman

hysteria

Soundtrack: R. Kelly “The Greatest Sex”

Expanded Sexual Response (ESR). Ever heard of it? It’s something that scientists have been formally studying for a few years now. They define it as “being able to attain long lasting and/or prolonged and/or multiple and/or sustained orgasms and/or status orgasmus that lasted longer and more intense than the classical orgasm patterns defined in the literature”. They have written in their findings:

“During our detailed preliminary survey to investigate the claimed ESR phenomenon in some particular women, we also investigated the subjective feelings and altered states of consciousness (ASC) during very intense and prolonged orgasms in the women with ESR. During our preliminary survey 72 types of different subjective feelings and ASC patterns were described in the 47 women with ESR. Among these were: depersonalization; out of body experience; flying; dying feeling (petit morte); ecstasy; rapture; explosion feeling; quivering, earthquake feeling; flooding; absorbing; spurting; blessed; shuddering; intense love; unreal; surreal; voyage to nature; seeing light flashes, color flashes, geometric shapes, figures; peacefulness; physical and spiritual warmth; loss of control; spreading; flowing; mystical experience; unification with the partner and/or the universe; de ja vu; crying etc…Pudental, pelvic, hypogastric and vagus nerves play major roles in the development of single or ESR orgasms, as well as at least two oxytocin pathways may contribute to it. In blended, ESR orgasms and/or status orgasmus, more than one ‘orgasm reflex arch pathway’ may trigger the orgasm at the same time, while other pathways play a supplementary role.” 

What this basically means is that women have been shown, under the weight of scientific scrutiny, to be able to have orgasms that last for 30 minutes or more, and when this happens they are having altered states of consciousness similar to being high on mushrooms or LSD or Molly.

Why are most women not having anything near this kind of experience? Let’s talk about it. Let’s look at the history of the female orgasm. Lord Acton was only repeating what everyone knew in 1875 when he declared, “The majority of women, happily for them and for society, are not very much troubled with sexual feeling of any kind.” You can draw a straight line between that and the whirlwind of social media talk surrounding Amber Rose’s planned #SlutWalk.

Women are not supposed to enjoy sex as much as men. Women are not supposed to have sexual urges. Women are there simply to satisfy the sexual urges of their husbands. Women have to put up with sex in order to keep their husbands happy and have children. This was the dominant belief in western society for as far back as the mind’s eye can see. And although things have changed ever so slightly in recent decades, slut shaming is still very much a Thing.

This belief was behind the psychological diagnosis of “hysteria” that so many women received in the 1800’s and early 1900’s. Women of this era complained to doctors of anxiety, sleeplessness, irritability, nervousness, erotic fantasies, feelings of heaviness in the lower abdomen, and wetness between the leg. Many 21st century women could easily recognize this as sexual frustration but back then this syndrome became known as “hysteria,” from the Greek for uterus.

Documented complaints of female hysteria date back to the 13th century. Doctors of that era understood that women had libidos and advised them to relieve their sexual frustration with dildos. In the 16th century, physicians told married hysterics to encourage their husbands’ lust. For hysteria unrelieved by husbandly lust, and for widows, and single and unhappily married women, doctors advised horseback riding, which, for some, provided enough clitoral stimulation to trigger orgasm. But riding provided many women little relief, and by the 17th century, dildos were less of an option because the arbiters of decency had succeeded in demonizing masturbation as “self-abuse.”

Fortunately, a reliable, socially acceptable treatment appeared. Doctors or midwives applied vegetable oil to women’s genitals and then massaged them with one or two fingers inside and the heel of the hand pressing against the clitoris. With this type of massage, women had orgasms and experienced sudden, dramatic relief from hysteria. But doctors didn’t call women’s climaxes orgasms. They called them “paroxysms” (a sudden attack or violent expression of a particular emotion or activity) because everyone knew that women were incapable of sexual feelings, so they could not possibly experience orgasm.

Unfortunately for doctors, hysteria treatment had a downside—achy, cramped fingers and hands from all that massage. In medical journals of the early 1800’s, doctors lamented that treating hysterics taxed their physical endurance. Chronic hand fatigue meant that some doctors had trouble maintaining the treatment long enough to produce the desired (and lucrative) result.

Necessity sometimes being the mother of invention, physicians began experimenting with mechanical substitutes for their hands. They tried a number of genital massage contraptions, among them water-driven gadgets (the forerunners of today’s shower massage devices), and pumping, steam-driven dildos. But the machines were cumbersome, messy, often unreliable, and sometimes dangerous.

Then in the late nineteenth century, electricity entered American homes, and the first electric appliances appeared: the electric fan, toaster, tea kettle, and sewing machine. In 1880, more than a decade before the invention of the electric iron and vacuum cleaner, an enterprising English physician, Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville, patented the electromechanical vibrator.

Fast forward to 2015, for most people, knowledge of female orgasm is limited to the various ways to stimulate the clitoris. The general public’s knowledge of what is possible, men and women, is extremely low. We know only what porn and our uninformed friends have told us.

The pleasure range and orgasmic potential of women is immense. Some women tremble and shake in pleasure from nearly every part of their body being touched, some orgasm from their Achilles heel being massaged, or from a hand pressing their lower belly, some orgasm from their ears or breasts being licked, some orgasm the moment they are penetrated, some women orgasm solely by contracting their vaginal muscles, some orgasm with no physical stimulation, just by focusing their awareness on their sexual energy, magnifying it and pulling it up. Some women orgasm while meditating, practicing Hatha yoga, singing devotional songs, or looking at the sunset. Some women orgasm when they go on a roller coaster or bungee jumping. Some women orgasm when their partner tells them he loves them, or when a powerful man holds their hands and looks them deep in the eyes with love and presence. Some women don’t experience an actual orgasm, but rather go into a state of Bliss within moments of penetration.

And yet, most women don’t experience whole-body orgasms during penetrative love-making, many can only orgasm by masturbation, and some don’t experience orgasms at all. Some women don’t even consider the subject of orgasm because they don’t  experience any pleasure at all during sex.

Modern science has measured and quantified a number of symptoms and conditions that occur while a woman is being aroused and when she’s orgasming. Arousal includes increased muscular tension, increased heart beat and respiration rate and depth, increased blood flow to the genitals, which causes the swelling of the clitoris, labia (outer and inner lips around the entrance of the yoni/vagina/pussy), and the vaginal walls; “ballooning” of the deep vagina and mild shifting of the cervix and womb towards the back of the body and slightly upwards, secretion of lubrication fluid from the walls of the vagina; increased sensitivity of the nipples and other erogenous zones.

As orgasm becomes imminent, the outer third of the vagina tightens and narrows, while overall the vagina lengthens and dilates and also becomes congested from engorged soft tissue; the nipples become erect. The main symptom of a female orgasm according to modern science is a series of involuntary contractions or pulsations of the pelvic floor (also known as the PC muscle or pubococygeus muscle), the vaginal walls, uterus and anus. However, some of the orgasm symptoms occur to some extent also before and after the actual “peak” of an orgasm.

What is the difference between the woman who never has an orgasm and the woman who has more than she count? Relaxation. For women, sex is first and foremost about turning off the “thinking” button and turning on the “feeling” button. You can’t think and feel at the same time. These processes come from two different parts of the brain that don’t work well together. If you are feeling something intensely, whether it be pain from an injury or extreme hunger pangs or a need to urinate or the pleasure of your lover kissing your neck, it becomes almost impossible to do something like study for a test at the same time. The reverse is also true. If your brain is focused on thinking about something, then your sensitivity to feeling things is seriously dampened.

The main idea or attitude that can improve the pleasure range and orgasmic experience of every woman is the following:

Every pleasurable sensation, every small wave of pleasure, is a mini orgasm, because for a brief moment, there is slightly decreased mind activity, decreased sense of personal “I”, and increased present moment awareness,  focus, surrender, dissolution and dissolving into the sensation.

Imagine someone is touching your exposed back with a feather, or blowing air gently on your neck, or tickling you, or hugging you, or gently caressing your face or hair, or moving his hands along the side of your torso, or touching your nipple, or gently brushing the back of his hand against your pubic hair.  All these sensations are portals into pleasure, then into greater pleasure, then into actual orgasm. At the moment of orgasm, for that (usually) brief moment, you become One with the universe. You lose your sense of being separate from anything else, time stands still and you are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. You are simply feeling.

Most men and women tend to view an orgasm as a single separate discernible peak aka “The Big O”, or, at best, a few peaks of orgasm, known as a multiple orgasm. The problem is that they miss out on a range of sensations, pleasure and orgasmic experiences. By changing your attitude and enjoying the inherent joy and pleasure in every moment and every kind of touch or sexual interaction, a woman can gradually experience deeper and greater and more varied kinds of pleasure and orgasmic states, and then an expanded awareness and higher states of consciousness.

In quality, every pleasurable sensation is a mini orgasm, an orgasmic moment, and the “quantity” of the pleasure can increase as you bring your attention into it. Learn to focus your attention on every pleasurable sensation, to bring awareness into every part of your body which feels pleasurable, to go deeper into the sensation, deeper into the present moment, and then to intensify these sensations and pleasure. That can’t happen if you’re thinking about whether you look fat, or is he gonna call you the next day, or any of that other shit that women obsess about. Turn off the thinking and turn on the feeling.

The other part of this picture, for most people at least, is the role of the man. Women need time; time to get warmed up, time to get out of the mind and into the body, time for the clitoris and labia to swell, time for the G-spot to descend down into the vaginal canal. Women can’t fully feel everything they are capable of feeling until all the machinery has gotten warmed up. Because men aren’t trained to appreciate this, most men are over and done before the woman is even ready to get started. Women are not experiencing the fullness of their orgasmic potential because both men and women are ignorant of what women need during sex.

Men have to be taught how to appreciate what they can receive from a fully sexually fulfilled woman. This is where those altered states of consciousness (ASC) come in. The vagina is directly connected to the brain in what I call the Brain-Vagina System. The cervix in the vagina is connected to the spine by the pelvic neural network. The spine leads directly to the brain stem. The reason that expanded sexual response (ESR) leads to ASC is because the nervous system is stimulated in very interesting ways. Usually unused parts of the brain are opened up and very cool chemicals get released.

There is a substance called DMT, produced in the pineal gland in the brain, which can also be found in at least 60 species of plants worldwide. One of these plants is ayahuasca which is popularly used in rituals to induce trance states and receive messages from other realms of reality. Well, you don’t need to drink a nasty brew or smoke anything to get DMT, your brain can make it by having awesome sex. Women who spend some time in ESR can get access to information that wasn’t available by other means. If you want to know how to get a business off the ground, how to solve a complex math problem, or any other mental hurdle, the answer just might be found in a woman’s orgasm.

Along with that, ESR produces the exact opposite of the hysteria women go into from sexual frustration. Deep calm, deep relaxation, deep contentment means no more of the incessant nagging that keeps so many men from wanting to go home after work. A woman who is truly sexually fulfilled is able to trust that everything will be alright. Everyone wins when the woman gets what she needs, above and beyond what she thinks that she wants.

This means men learning how to truly do foreplay, as well as learning how to delay ejaculation for up to an hour or more. Foreplay means so much more than just licking or fingering a woman’s so-called erogenous zones. I say so-called because a woman’s entire body becomes orgasmic once she is opened up properly. I don’t have the space to go into details about foreplay here but I think it is extremely important for men to learn how to do energy projection as well as yoni massage.

By energy projection, I mean bringing your energy field (aura) into contact with another person’s energy field or aura, and touching each other without contacting the skin. Men and women can be brought to orgasm in this way, without physically touching at all; and it is extremely healthy for the mind and body. Yoni massage is a more healing version of what is commonly called “finger fucking”. Yoni massage involves truly massaging the whole pubic region, inside and outside. It can undo damage done to the anatomy of the vagina by chronic stress from living in a world that is anti-woman in so many ways.

At least an hour of various kinds of foreplay combined with at least an hour of penetration is a good recipe for ESR and ASC. Women and men who experience the glory of truly fulfilling sex will never want to go back to the old way of doing things. It’s time for a real sexual revolution. Clitoral orgasm should be known as the “little girls” orgasm. Any person with a clitoris can orgasm from rubbing it against something. Sexual maturity comes with knowing that that is only a small fraction of what sex can and should be. It’s time to demand more from ourselves.

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Why Tantra?

maithuna

Soundtrack: R. Kelly “Sex Me”

As promised, the second episode of SOL System Radio is on the subject, “Why Tantra?” What is Tantra and why is it something that people should be studying and practicing?

Tantra is a Sanskrit (Indian) word that literally means “system or doctrine” and comes from the root words tanoti “stretch, extend, expand” and trayati “liberation”. The originators of the Indian system of Tantra saw it as a systematic way of expanding the consciousness toward liberation. The primary tool that Tantra uses toward that aim is sexual energy. There have been many cultures all over the world and since the beginning of human existence that have recognized that the power of sexual energy can be used toward the goal of enlightenment or liberation or salvation.

I believe that even though Tantra is an ancient practice, it is more important in today’s world than it has ever been before. Tantra can potentially restore balance to a world that has become increasingly off balance over the past few millennia. Let me explain what I mean from the beginning.

There is something in Mathematics called the Transitive Property of Equality. It states that if A equals B, and B equals C, then A equals C. Some time ago I thought about this in terms of sexuality and it has stuck with me. We are told that we all come from God. Anyone who believes in the concept of God in any form believes that God is the source of all existence. We know for sure that we all come from an act of sex. If we all come from God, and we also all come from sex, then the transitive property tells us that God = Sex. In some way, God is synonymous with sexuality and the actual act of sex.

The major religions of the world don’t want us to believe this at all. That is why I say that the world has become increasingly off balance. Religion would have us believe that God either has nothing to do with sex or that God and sex are diametrically opposed to each other. For many religious people, sex is of the Devil and it should only be tolerated as a way to propagate the species but not promoted at all. The effect of this teaching is that people get further and further away from God and from the Source of their lives.

The process of conceiving new life is an energetic process. The woman’s life force combines with the man’s life force and the two together create a new life force. Our life force is encapsulated-crystallized-manifested-embodied-incarnated (I couldn’t think of the right word) in the sperm/ovaries. The body puts a tremendous amount of effort into producing sperm and ovum (eggs). That’s why the act of releasing sperm or ovum by ejaculation or menstruation takes so much out of you. Outside of the bodily functions involved with homeostasis of your own body (keeping things working the same), the body’s other main concern is with making sure that you are ready to produce more life if given the chance.

It is sexual energy that creates life in the beginning and it is sexual energy that sustains life at all times. That energy stays present and it is what animates us, makes us alive, it is the core of our existence. The name that we give to this particular aspect of our energy is Kundalini.

follow me…There is a network of channels/pathways inside the body that start forming immediately after conception with sperm and ovum. These pathways are called Bonghan Channels or primo vessels (the primo vascular system). These primo vessels are what transport the information used to control the perfect formation of the embryo. The perfect symmetry of the body with matching arms and legs and kidneys and lungs and such requires an inconceivable amount of information being passed around to get all of these moving parts to work perfectly together. In the adult body, these primo vessels are the body’s storehouse of stem cells. Stem cells are capable of developing into any tissue in the body. They can make any part of the body over from scratch.

Kundalini is the spark that activates the primo vascular system, which is the CPU that drives the whole computer of the body. This is true at conception, and it remains true throughout life. To be clear, your kundalini is your sexual energy. The act of sex which creates you is accompanied by energy which drives the process of your creation and holds the potential of your re-creation at any time in your life. Kundalini is the fountain of youth. Kundalini is sexual energy. Sunyata Saraswati said that “God is sexual pleasure, used rightly”. To lose your connection with your kundalini is to lose your connection with the source of your existence.

We have not been taught to view sex properly. We have not been taught to hold sex in the high regard that it deserves. Sex is the ultimate sacred ritual. More than communion or religious pilgrimage or baptism, sex brings us closer to God. To further quote Sunyata Saraswati from his book Jewel In The Lotus:

“The basis of sexual desire and its fleeting fulfillment is the ecstasy of sexual orgasm, the most intense experience anyone can have. In that moment one experiences union with the beloved. There is no separation, no ‘I’ as apart from ‘you.’ In that moment we transcend into the state of Samadhi, blissful union between the individual consciousness and the Cosmic. Wave after wave of love and peace infuse waking consciousness. The anxious, striving, separated individual self becomes merged with the total flow of cosmic energy, bathed in its unchanging quality of intense joy.

“The orgasmic experience is available to all, and for many it is the only mystical experience they will ever have. This momentary glimpse leaves us with a deep yearning to repeat it, not just for the sexual release, but for the truth it reveals. Because in that moment we remember who we really are.

“In Tantra you can extend the climax to many minutes. Tantra provides a system of techniques for prolonging orgasm in order to experience Unity Consciousness. The state of enlightenment has been described as perpetual orgasm. Once you learn to attain this state in meditation, sex is no longer such a driving need.”

“In orgasm you are at one with yourself, with your lover, with all creation, with God. There is no time, no past or future, only total presence in the eternal now. The breath stops and the mind is empty. And from this void comes profound love, divine joy and illuminating bliss.”

Monks and nuns and other deeply committed religious people spend whole lifetimes seeking the experience of feeling oneness with God. With having tantric sex from the proper awareness, you can have this experience in a single week of dedicated practice. Tantra has the potential to be a shortcut to enlightenment and salvation. Sexual energy is the most powerful energy that we have access to and it is in our best interests to learn how to use it properly.

There is more to Tantra than just the act of having sex. However, it is all about the goal of cultivating the sexual energy and using it to expand one’s consciousness. The different parts of Tantra vary depending on which school or system you’re in and who your teacher is. Some Tantric techniques include yogic postures to purify the physical body, breathing techniques to stimulate consciousness, meditation to attune yourself to the flow of the Divine, chanting mantras to affect the vibration of the body, looking at visual representations of the mantra frequencies, contracting or locking certain parts of the body to direct energy flow, as well as sexual union.

Most of a regular Tantra practice can be done without a partner. You don’t have to wait on anyone to join you in practicing Tantra. There is plenty that you can do every day to cultivate your Kundalini on your own. And there is much that you can do with a partner or partners that is far outside of the realm of what we see on tv or in porn.

The purpose of this particular writing isn’t to get into specifics of Tantra practice. I just want to help us look at the fact that 99% of us are doing sex and sexuality completely wrong. Our experience is equivalent to having every single cable tv channel in existence and only watching one channel everyday. We are seriously missing out. Why Tantra? Because it is the most effective and most fun way possible to become the highest and best version of yourself. Because it is a shame to have these amazing tools sitting at our disposal and to not take advantage of them. Because awakening kundalini is the primary purpose of human life. Let’s do better.

Got Tantra?

Image

Soundtrack: India Arie “I See God in You”

Raekwon “Heaven & Hell”

My life’s work recently has made me more aware than ever of just how much emotional trauma and spiritual damage the women of America are dealing with, especially women of African descent. And I have also become acutely aware of just how much bad advice women give each other for how to deal with that pain. Ways to numb it or mask it but not ways to heal it and do away with it.

But real healing is available. Like a thief in the night, Tantra has emerged in this country with real tools to transform our lives and restore what was damaged. But for the most part, the women (and men) who have benefited from Tantra are not standing on the rooftops and declaring to the world that they have been healed. I’ve wondered why that is and I’m starting to see some of the why. 

There are not enough people who have gone deep enough with Tantra to have real life-transforming, restorative change take place in their lives. They haven’t completed the process. The vast majority of people who have come in contact with the power of Tantra have had one or two powerful experiences with it and noticed some changes in their lives and that’s as far as they’ve gone with it. People are giving lukewarm testimonies because they are seeing lukewarm results.

There are not enough examples of a woman, for instance, who dealt with molestation as a child, rape as a teenager, low self-esteem and body issues and reckless behavior as a result of all of that, and then received thorough healing of all of that trauma to the point where it’s like it never even happened. This CAN happen, but it is not happening ENOUGH. Why not?

Because thorough, complete, holistic healing requires some effort on the part of the person being healed. It is a collaborative process between the healer and the person being healed. I can point out to you the beliefs that you have accepted that are not serving you well, break up the pain in the spots inside your body where you have physically stored the memory of your trauma, and even restore and balance your chakras and clean out your energy channels. But you have to make the CHOICE to reinforce all of that work by accepting new beliefs, habits, and behaviors that will produce a new life experience for you. I can’t do that for you.

The norm is for people to put in just enough self work to have some significant breakthrough and then they’re done. That breakthrough might be healing fibroids or healing a prostate or achieving better digestion or having orgasms for the first time. Not many people are diligent enough to follow that road all the way to Bliss.

Bliss requires that you live fully in the present; not dwelling on past pains or overly focusing on future pleasure, but finding the joy in the Right Now. Bliss requires you to be fully aware. Bliss won’t let you go through life with your head down, aimlessly wandering from task to task and never really stopping to fully process what you’re doing or why you’re doing it or if you even want to do it. Bliss requires you to ask questions like do I want to live in this house?…do I want to work at this job?…do I want to be in this relationship?…do I want to look this way?…do I want to be this weight?…do I want to feel this way?…what do I feel?…

Anything in your life that doesn’t feel like joy has to be let go of when bliss is your focus. And there is a core belief that has to be addressed that stands between people and their ultimate bliss. Most of us don’t really believe that we DESERVE to have complete happiness. We don’t believe that it is possible to have complete happiness. We think that we are supposed to have pain and shame and suffering. It never occurs to us to form the thought of “I’m going to do whatever it takes to make every negative experience go away because I don’t want them anymore”.

In life, we accept what we believe that we deserve. And life gives us whatever we expect to get. What is your core belief about what you deserve? This is why I am eternally grateful to the Honorable Elijah Muhammad, and others of his ilk, who taught us that we are gods and goddesses. Because gods and goddesses are supposed to live in Heaven, that is their domain. When you really, truly, deep down inside believe that you are a god then you cannot fathom accepting anything less than a heavenly daily life.

When I sat down to write this, this is the point that I wanted to make. I am here. There are others around me like my teacher Master Yao Morris, Shantam Nityama, Rakhem Seku, Sirius Brotha, Akin Olubusola…women as well like Kenya K Stevens, Sasha Cobra, and others. There are tools available to address anything we have going on in our lives that is less than desirable. If you have been the beneficiary of the healing work of any of these people that I just listed or ones that I didn’t mention, go back for more. And commit to the process of doing the self work to make the healing “stick”. And tell as many people as you can about the benefits you have already received and about the work you’re doing now. Spread the word!

If you have never experienced the benefits of Tantra do yourself a humongous favor and seek out a healer with good references. It’s time to let go of your pain. Whether you have to travel across the country or bring the healer to you or whatever it takes, it is worth it. You deserve it. Bliss is your divine birthright. It is time for us to properly value ourselves as gods and goddesses. Let’s sit ourselves in heaven