Soundtrack: Mary J. Blige “Love No Limit”
I am in love with three women. Saying that now takes me back to 2009 when I first broke the news to my closest friends that my wife and I had decided to have an open marriage.
People told me that it’s impossible to truly love more than one person at the same time. People told me that my wife couldn’t possibly be ok with this; she must just be repressing her true feelings so she won’t lose me. People told me that one day, one of us would explode in a jealous rage and they didn’t wanna be around to witness it.
None of those objections have turned out to be very valid in the five years since then. A couple of years ago I began a long distance relationship that remains very loving and serious to this day.
And the impossible happened. That woman and my wife (along with a couple of other wonderful polyamorous women) became best friends. The two of them probably talk to each other more than either of them talk to me. They have a rare and beautiful sisterhood bond.
A year ago, my relationship with my wife became a long distance one as I moved to Atlanta from Houston. We will be reunited in Atlanta very soon but the past year has been an emotional challenge and a proof of our love and commitment. She and I have both developed very serious relationships with local lovers during the year that we have been apart. I can’t imagine how we would’ve survived this year emotionally if we hadn’t had love to sustain us from other sources.
About three and a half months ago I met a woman in Atlanta who changed my life.
During our first in-depth, face-to-face conversation, while eating seafood, I felt that Source had brought her into my life for us to work together as a team. I knew that my life had changed that day. I hadn’t felt an instant bond with someone like that since my first date with my wife. Over the course of that day I went from thinking that she and I would be excellent business partners to business partners/friends to business partners/friends/lovers to Life Partners who share in every way possible. That day turned into like three days before we separated from each other. But we’ve been together ever since.
My relationship with my newest lover and my life as a full time entrepreneur started around the same time. She has helped me with every aspect of laying the foundation for The SOL System as a brand and a business.
And now all three of my lovers are fully involved in the business with me as a team. And it just so happens that we make a really good team. Between the four of us we have pretty much every skill that we need in this business from the healing practice to marketing to accounting to product development and more. I am completely overwhelmed with how blessed I am and how obvious it is that I couldn’t have assembled a situation this perfect if I tried.
I was inspired to write about this because I’ve felt bombarded with messages about how difficult/impossible polyamory is, from those who shun it and from those who practice it. My life is a testimony that open relationships can be healthy and loving and functional. When love is multiplied, it only gets better. It gives me joy to share random laughs and conversations with my lover’s husband. It gives me joy to have a Skype conversation with my lover while she sits in the bed with her ex-boyfriend. It gives me joy to know that even though I’m hundreds of miles away, my lover is able to share her bliss with another man who cares for her deeply.
There are two philosophical points that I want to make on this subject.
First, your life is a product of what you believe about yourself. I won’t go too deep into trying to prove that point. I’ve done that in other posts on this blog. But the Law of Attraction is just as real and omnipresent in our lives as gravity and electromagnetism. You attract to yourself whatever you think about most often. If you believe that jealousy is a basic part of life; if you believe that people who share the same lover cannot peacefully co-exist; if you believe that monogamy is the natural way of relationships and polyamory is an “alternative lifestyle”, then that is what you are going to get. However, if you believe that love can truly mean freedom and joy and honesty and abundance, then that is what life will give you.
The vast majority of people who practice open relating meet with all kinds of challenges because they are not clear about their beliefs. They only sort-of buy in to the idea that open relationships are ok. They have a lot of residual monogamy in their subconscious minds so they manifest confusion. Polyamory, or any new way of life, can only be successful to the extent that you fully remove the beliefs that you used to operate under. Becoming healthy can only work to the extent that you remove the beliefs that used to reinforce an unhealthy lifestyle. Becoming peaceful can only work to the extent that you remove the beliefs that used to reinforce a life of violence. My life in open relating has blossomed as I have successfully brought all of my beliefs about love and relationships into alignment with this new paradigm. I truly believe in this, and it is working for me.
Now moving on to my second point. As I said earlier, two of my relationships are long distance. I’ve been separated from my local lover for the past 8 days as she is taking our #TantraTour2014 to the west coast. None of us could make it if we were relying on someone else to be the source of our happiness. And now, a message from Osho:
We are able to operate from a place of Abundance because we find our happiness from within Self. If your partner’s love is the source of your happiness then it can be very scary for your partner to share their love with someone else because it feels like now you have less of the source of your happiness. But you have a neverending source of joy/peace/love/bliss within your own soul. You are a piece of the Ultimate Reality. You are one with the Universe. Any limitation that you think you have only comes from losing sight of the fact of who you really are. When you know that you are one with The All, then you have nothing to worry about. It is impossible to lose a lover because there is nowhere to go. We are connected to everything else in existence.
Because we have our happiness from within Self, we can only add to each other’s happiness, not take it away. This is why interacting with all three of my lovers feels so damn good. Happy on top of happy on top of happy. This is heaven. This is bliss. This is what life is all about. I really want everyone in the world to feel what I am feeling. That’s why I can’t be quiet about this any longer. I have to share my joy with the world. Come get some of this.