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Let’s Talk About Squirting

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Before you read this blog, you are required to watch the short introductory video here.

Soundtrack: Lil Jon & The Eastside Boyz: “Get Low”

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Let’s talk about squirting.

A lot of my work revolves around female orgasm or orgasmicness (don’t know if that’s a word but it is now). I’ve been getting a lot of questions about female ejaculation lately ranging from the people who are freaked out and think it’s urine to those who are begging and wishing to skeet skeet skeet. I’ve found that very few people actually know what female ejaculate is, where it comes from in the body, how it is produced, and why it happens. Which isn’t surprising because most people know very little about human anatomy in general. So I’ve been inspired to shed a little light on this subject and clear up some misconceptions and give hope to those who think they’ll never be able to squirt.

Squirting, or female ejaculation, refers to a stream of clear fluid coming from the vagina during sexual arousal. This fluid comes from what are called the Skene’s glands, or the female prostate. The Skene’s glands are located on the upper wall of the vagina, around the lower end of the urethra. They drain into the urethra just as the urinary bladder drains into the urethra. These glands are surrounded with tissue, which includes the part of the clitoris that reaches up inside the vagina and swells with blood during sexual arousal, usually known as the G-Spot.

The Skene’s glands are homologous with the prostate gland in males, which means that they are basically the same thing. When an embryo is forming, that part of the body either becomes a prostate gland if the baby turns out to be a boy or it becomes a Skene’s gland if the baby turns out to be a girl. In men, the prostate secretes the fluid that, combined with sperm from the testicles and fluid from the seminal vesicle, becomes semen. The fluid from the Skene’s gland is identical to the fluid from the prostate.

To be clear, that means that this fluid is not urine. Urine comes from the bladder. Ejaculate/Amrita comes from the Skene’s gland. They both drain out of the same hole at the opening of the urethra, but they are not the same thing.

There are a few common questions about squirting that I want to address. Let’s get into those.

Q: There is too much fluid when women squirt for it to not be urine, right?

A: Well, about that…glands produce fluid. That’s what they do. Sweat glands produce sweat. Adrenal glands produce adrenaline. Skene’s glands produce amrita. We all know what it’s like to pee. We all know what it’s like to be required to pee (drug test) and you just don’t have anything to give. The bladder is not a neverending supply of liquid. Either you have urine in you or you don’t. Glands, however, are always ready to go if they receive the right messages.

Q: What exactly is the G-Spot?

A: As stated earlier, the Skene’s glands are located on the upper wall of the vagina. The tissue surrounding the glands is connected to the inner body of the clitoris. When a woman is sexually aroused, the clitoris fills with blood and becomes engorged and erect. This slightly changes the structure of the vagina and makes it possible for the Skene’s gland to be directly stimulated. What is called the G-Spot is actually the spot where the Skene’s gland meets the internal body of the clitoris. This causes two things to happen. First, it feels really good obviously because the clitoris has an abundance of nerve endings for the purpose of pleasurable sensation. And also the gland starts to produce fluid which then drains into the urethra. There are two things happening simultaneously from directly stimulating the same small area. Sometimes stimulation of this spot leads to orgasm, a different kind of clitoral orgasm, a G-Spot orgasm. What can also happen is that the fluid in the urethra builds up pressure that needs to be released which is what we know as squirting. The most magical moments happen when the G-spot orgasm and the squirting happen simultaneously so that it becomes identical to the male version of orgasm which includes orgasm and ejaculation at the same time. The release of the pressure in the urethra is a pleasurable sensation in itself which adds to the clitoral orgasm.

Q: What is this internal clitoris stuff all about? 

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A: There is more to the clitoris than what you can see from outside of the body. As this diagram shows, the clitoris goes behind the clitoral hood and extends up and then down on either side of the vagina. The whole dark pink area is the clitoris. This entire area fills with blood upon sexual arousal. And any part of it that gets stimulated produces deep pleasurable sensations. I’ll let the diagram speak for itself.

Q: What exactly is the nature of this fluid that comes from the Skene’s gland?

A: Female ejaculate, which I like to call amrita, is equivalent to prostate fluid as we said before.  It contains a mixture of blood plasma, proteins, and enzymes. It is generally clear in color and has a scent unlike anything else that the body secretes. Again, when this fluid is combined with sperm in the male body then it becomes thicker and is known as semen. The fluid minus the sperm is amrita, the goddess nectar. By the way, there are many physical and spiritual health benefits for a man who drinks the amrita. 

Many women are uncomfortable with allowing squirting to happen because it produces a sensation like the need to urinate. Of course no one wants to pee on their partner during sex. Well, maybe some people do, but that’s taking the discussion in a very different direction. I suggest for women who are trying to experience squirting for the first time to urinate before they have sex so they can trust that the bladder doesn’t need to be emptied. Then trust the process. Understand that high levels of sexual arousal leads to the urethra filling with amrita, it’s a natural process, and if you let go then the magic is going to happen. When you feel that pressure building up, just relax and let it flow. Don’t tense up and try to hold it in. In part 2 of this blog post we’ll go a lot deeper into the need to relax during sex for optimum pleasure and the negative effects of stress on sexual arousal.

For now, take solace in knowing that amrita is not urine. You’re not going to pee when you feel that sensation. Every woman is able to squirt. It is a very healthy and fun part of a quality sex life. Awww skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet!!!

(Update 05/18/15)

I received the following question on Facebook regarding this blog post: “So what are your thoughts on this latest study that’s saying it’s really pee because the bladder went from full to empty with the participants?”
That question is referencing this article first published in the Journal Of Sexual Medicine on December 24, 2014. The study was conducted by a French team led by Samuel Salama from Hopital Privé de Parly II. I responded to the question by saying this:

“I think the researchers in that study are idiots.

Two points. First is that the biochemical analysis showed that urine samples before sexual stimulation contained no PSA (prostate-specific antigen), and the squirting as well as the after-squirting urine both contained PSA. So just with that alone, it is clear that these substances are not the same thing. If you know what urine is made of and then you find that squirting contains significant amounts of something that is not in urine, then squirting is not urine. That’s simple.

Second point is that the skene’s glands empty into the urethra. The urethra extends out from the urinary bladder. If a fluid rushes into the urethra and doesn’t immediately get emptied then it is going to flow back into the urinary bladder. There is nowhere else for it to go. The urinary bladder becomes a repository for the fluid that the skene’s glands have emptied into the urethra. Once the woman allows the fluid to come out then the bladder is empty again, as the ultrasounds in the study shows.

Of course if there are trace amounts of urine in the bladder then that will get mixed in with the squirt fluid and that explains why trace amounts of urea show up in the biochemical analysis of squirting. That means that it’s a really good idea to empty your bladder before you have sex so you can minimize or eliminate the amount of urine that gets mixed in.

But the bottom line is that sexual arousal leads to the release of fluid from the skene’s glands and that fluid can be squirted out of the urethra. That fluid and pee are two different things.”

Love Without a Limit

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Soundtrack: Mary J. Blige “Love No Limit”

The Isley Brothers “It’s Your Thing”

I am in love with three women. Saying that now takes me back to 2009 when I first broke the news to my closest friends that my wife and I had decided to have an open marriage.

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People told me that it’s impossible to truly love more than one person at the same time. People told me that my wife couldn’t possibly be ok with this; she must just be repressing her true feelings so she won’t lose me. People told me that one day, one of us would explode in a jealous rage and they didn’t wanna be around to witness it.

None of those objections have turned out to be very valid in the five years since then. A couple of years ago I began a long distance relationship that remains very loving and serious to this day.

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And the impossible happened. That woman and my wife (along with a couple of other wonderful polyamorous women) became best friends. The two of them probably talk to each other more than either of them talk to me. They have a rare and beautiful sisterhood bond.

A year ago, my relationship with my wife became a long distance one as I moved to Atlanta from Houston. We will be reunited in Atlanta very soon but the past year has been an emotional challenge and a proof of our love and commitment. She and I have both developed very serious relationships with local lovers during the year that we have been apart. I can’t imagine how we would’ve survived this year emotionally if we hadn’t had love to sustain us from other sources.

About three and a half months ago I met a woman in Atlanta who changed my life.

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During our first in-depth, face-to-face conversation, while eating seafood, I felt that Source had brought her into my life for us to work together as a team. I knew that my life had changed that day. I hadn’t felt an instant bond with someone like that since my first date with my wife. Over the course of that day I went from thinking that she and I would be excellent business partners to business partners/friends to business partners/friends/lovers to Life Partners who share in every way possible. That day turned into like three days before we separated from each other. But we’ve been together ever since.

My relationship with my newest lover and my life as a full time entrepreneur started around the same time. She has helped me with every aspect of laying the foundation for The SOL System as a brand and a business.

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And now all three of my lovers are fully involved in the business with me as a team. And it just so happens that we make a really good team. Between the four of us we have pretty much every skill that we need in this business from the healing practice to marketing to accounting to product development and more. I am completely overwhelmed with how blessed I am and how obvious it is that I couldn’t have assembled a situation this perfect if I tried.

I was inspired to write about this because I’ve felt bombarded with messages about how difficult/impossible polyamory is, from those who shun it and from those who practice it. My life is a testimony that open relationships can be healthy and loving and functional. When love is multiplied, it only gets better. It gives me joy to share random laughs and conversations with my lover’s husband. It gives me joy to have a Skype conversation with my lover while she sits in the bed with her ex-boyfriend. It gives me joy to know that even though I’m hundreds of miles away, my lover is able to share her bliss with another man who cares for her deeply.

There are two philosophical points that I want to make on this subject.

First, your life is a product of what you believe about yourself. I won’t go too deep into trying to prove that point. I’ve done that in other posts on this blog. But the Law of Attraction is just as real and omnipresent in our lives as gravity and electromagnetism. You attract to yourself whatever you think about most often. If you believe that jealousy is a basic part of life; if you believe that people who share the same lover cannot peacefully co-exist; if you believe that monogamy is the natural way of relationships and polyamory is an “alternative lifestyle”, then that is what you are going to get. However, if you believe that love can truly mean freedom and joy and honesty and abundance, then that is what life will give you.

The vast majority of people who practice open relating meet with all kinds of challenges because they are not clear about their beliefs. They only sort-of buy in to the idea that open relationships are ok. They have a lot of residual monogamy in their subconscious minds so they manifest confusion. Polyamory, or any new way of life, can only be successful to the extent that you fully remove the beliefs that you used to operate under. Becoming healthy can only work to the extent that you remove the beliefs that used to reinforce an unhealthy lifestyle. Becoming peaceful can only work to the extent that you remove the beliefs that used to reinforce a life of violence. My life in open relating has blossomed as I have successfully brought all of my beliefs about love and relationships into alignment with this new paradigm. I truly believe in this, and it is working for me.

Now moving on to my second point. As I said earlier, two of my relationships are long distance. I’ve been separated from my local lover for the past 8 days as she is taking our #TantraTour2014 to the west coast. None of us could make it if we were relying on someone else to be the source of our happiness. And now, a message from Osho:

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We are able to operate from a place of Abundance because we find our happiness from within Self. If your partner’s love is the source of your happiness then it can be very scary for your partner to share their love with someone else because it feels like now you have less of the source of your happiness. But you have a neverending source of joy/peace/love/bliss within your own soul. You are a piece of the Ultimate Reality. You are one with the Universe. Any limitation that you think you have only comes from losing sight of the fact of who you really are. When you know that you are one with The All, then you have nothing to worry about. It is impossible to lose a lover because there is nowhere to go. We are connected to everything else in existence.

Because we have our happiness from within Self, we can only add to each other’s happiness, not take it away. This is why interacting with all three of my lovers feels so damn good. Happy on top of happy on top of happy. This is heaven. This is bliss. This is what life is all about. I really want everyone in the world to feel what I am feeling. That’s why I can’t be quiet about this any longer. I have to share my joy with the world. Come get some of this.

hearttat (This tattoo with the infinity sign going through the heart is generally considered to be the symbol of polyamory. I’m serious about this)

Bust It Wide Open

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prostitute

Soundtrack: Ace Hood and others “Bugatti” (remix)

Dr. Dre “Nuthin But a G Thang”

Lil’ Mo “Superwoman”

Ice-T “L.G.B.N.A.F.”

Donny Hathaway “Someday We’ll All Be Free”

The more I open myself to allowing Spirit to work through me as I work with my clients, the greater my empathic abilities become. I sometimes feel what the client feels, or even what they are unable to feel. Sometimes I intuitively receive messages about the client’s past, or present, or future.

Yesterday I had a session with a client that forced me into deep contemplation. This client has an enormous gift that has gone sadly underutilized for pretty much her whole life. In short, she is supposed to be living a life of the modern sacred prostitute. Her destiny is to help men connect with their own divinity through the experience of her sexuality. However, she was raised in the United States in the same way that  most girls are in this country. She was taught that sex is bad. Just don’t do it. If you have sex as much as you really want to then you’re a dirty little slut, and on top of that, you’re going to hell. Don’t explore your body. Don’t experiment with your friends. And the sky will rain fire and brimstone if you get pregnant. So she shut down her sexuality.

Now in case that statement wasn’t controversial enough, let me add a lil mo’ (not the singer): I am positing that one of the major reasons why women in this country are experiencing so many reproductive system issues (endometriosis, uterine fibroids, ovarian cysts, etc) is because their sexual energy is being repressed. This client has had all of the above mentioned issues. Along with the hysterectomy that western doctors always suggest for Black women to get when they have reproductive system health issues. They ain’t got the answers on this like Sway. They don’t know how to fix it so they just start pulling out parts. Western medicine’s lack of understanding of the energy body is a fatal flaw. The Universe is a big ball of energy. That’s all that it is, and all that it has ever been. Obviously, human beings are part of the universe. To lack understanding of how our energy impacts our physical body is not to know the first thing about how the human body works.

Now, back to the lecture at hand (how many Hip Hop references can I make in one blog post??).  Our sexual energy is powerful beyond what most of us have been aware of. Our sexual energy is our basic life force. It is what makes us alive and what gives us the ability to create new life, in the physical sense and in the metaphysical sense. Our sexual energy will not be denied. Trying to repress it will only cause it to manifest itself in other unintended ways. This principle is the reason why priests have such a horrible track record of molesting young boys. They won’t allow the energy to be channeled in a natural way, with grown women, but the energy is gonna find an outlet for itself regardless.

In women, repressed sexual energy shows up in a different way. Women are yin beings. Yin energy is receptive. Yin energy holds onto things, whereas yang energy forces outward. Because women are yin/receptive, the womb functions as a storage space. The womb is where women store things, good or bad. Another aspect of yin energy is that it seeks to transform the things that it receives into something new. A woman receives her man’s seed and transforms it into a new life. In a similar fashion, a woman can receive a man’s vision and give birth to the material manifestation of that vision. The woman’s own sexual energy gets transformed in the same way. The sexual energy is supposed to be used for creating things, be it a baby or a business or what have you. When the sexual energy is shut down and doesn’t get utilized properly, it is still seeking to transform and create. This is how growths develop in the womb. The energy is taking the raw material that it has available to it and seeking to create something. Needless to say, these growths in the uterus and ovaries are undesirable.

The Honorable Elijah Muhammad said that 75% of his work of breathing new life into an oppressed people involved reforming the women. It is the woman who determines the state of the culture. It is the woman who shapes the minds of the children. It is the woman who carries the vision of new ideas, new inventions, and new technology. This is why the Honorable Elijah Muhammad also said that a nation can rise no higher than its women. The change that the world so desperately needs toward a more sane and sustainable system is to be found in removing the restrictions on female sexuality.

Women and men must begin to learn the differences between feminine and masculine energy, yin and yang. And we especially must begin to appreciate the unique power of the yin. Women must be empowered and encouraged to flex their manifesting muscles. The sexual energy of women which constantly seeks to create must be exercised. All of us really want to live in a world where women are always getting good sex and always manifesting the desires of her and her partner(s), whether we realize it or not. Conscious relationships and conscious sex are an essential component of a blissful life, for individuals and for society as a whole.

When that client is fully set free to be the woman that she was born to be, she will be more fulfilled and her health will be restored. Also, every man who comes into her life from now on will become better than how she found him. She will take his energy and transform it into a superior version of him, freeing him up to make a more positive impact on the world.

Allow me to top this off with one last reference from Hip Hop culture. In the immortal words of Ice-T, “Girls, L.G.B.N.A.F. (Let’s Get Butt Naked and Fuck!)”. We owe it to the world.